Forgiving is not difficult

... And that's not because I'm in some new kind of love or whatever. No kidding.
Just that - at times peace making feels better than making love. In most cases, you detest the 2nd. People are still people, nevertheless. Whatever that is supposed to make you think!
We all want something, expect something from whoever we meet in this lifetime. Some people expect not be disturbed and the others seek to change them. Friends and enemies alike ( PD - I know you're in your grave in DC - LOL!)
The funny thing is - they always meet. (Why, Why, Why?!!!)
There are some more assholes that just are cynical and sarcastically condescending. Folks who think they see whatever they need to know; that all around them have been fucking with their brains for decades... Pathetic.
When you lie... there should be a character to the misstatement, not just punctuations.
Better luck next time...

Bowled again!

I seem to keep saying this pretty much 'quite often' these days...
Life's weird. At times, it just takes a moment - a mere, sperm-head of a moment - to realize what went wrong with you some 7 years back..!
(It scares the shit of you, man!!!)
To think how many people could have had a glimpse into the most personal, core stuff in your life...
It could kill, and trust me that's an understatement. So many events that are absolutely unrelated, and are rooted in such different circumstances and separated by geography!!! All these little things just seem to converge, touch point ... at a time in your life when you aren't all that ready... they just explode at the final moment... Just like the storm that hit the quite-for-long village. May not be peaceful, though ...
The fact that you're meant to be there... the fact that you WERE bloody, fucking there! Thaaaat izzz... phew!
You hold a very large piece of the puzzle may be... May be the answer's meant only for you... but who knows... (and who fuckin' cares)
I know I shouldn't fuel this long enough to let a tine flicker burn it all up ... *chuckle chuckle* - And hey this is NOT being cynical - this is being humorous each time God plays this funny trick on you .. and really I can hear him laugh 'through' me... ;)

Why am I a drifter?

So what happened to all those thoughts and words.
Nothing that you can define. Mumblings at the end of the day?
:)
Well! There isn't any bad blood anymore - that's one thing for sure. And yes, I have proved that when you're over something, nothing that relates to that shit can ever affect you!
And I jump, asking the 12 year old 'me'... Can you teach me about the simpler things in life... errr... I seemed to have forgotten them. Or is it just me ... or you... or both?
And the simple highs of first times... :P ... '28 doesn't seem that difficult at all! ' - pat comes the reply.
SChooopihd!!! - 'Huh! Oh yeah! Well - **** you too! I know your secrets but you couldn't even imagine mine!' :D Point 1 for the older me.
I imagined 28 would be a lot more serious. A lote more grounded in the sense you would have by then made up your mind about a lot of things and you would always know the best. Like my mom. Like my dad and most of his people. (Mom's side - You still make me proud with your naivety!)
I imagined 28 would be loveless. I wouldn't feel anything. But it is indeed - quite contrary!
I imagined I would have these close encounters with the most evolved and most intelligent - To think of what happened in reality.
I don't fuss at all.
I don't feel depressed.
I don't feel lonely - haha... over crowded at times, but never lonely.
Like right now - I am drunk on 3 shots of rum and couple o' beers. My good friend from Bombay is explaining what her curriculum @ her MBA course with a sterling institute. And I come back some 10% of the times - ask her well thought of questions and drift away while she answers. I am happy for her. She doesn't need that much attention.
Why am I a drifter?

...

There are these times that things seem quite fuzzy.
...Quite beyond what we know as normal. Signs that are beyond you and me. Signs that are compelling enough. Can a city really be that small? I really wonder at times... why would someone keep emerging... someone that you find quite naturally nice, but normal.
If God wanted to tell you something... and considering you have faith 'enough' ... why wouldn't he just use your language of communication? I mean... Isn't he supposed to be 'God' ... The God..?
There's this sinking feeling in the midst of something as up-heaving as love... as simple as something you don't feel... never thought you would but can see happening. Now, why would you refuse this amazing, ethereal, mind blowing experience... that's probably because you f***in' hate being tongue tied. You don't need 3 months to realize that you're in love...

...Deja vu

Sniff Sniff... Been here before!
Why's this happening too often now...? Call's for some introspection. hmmm...

Each passing day...

Each passing day
that brings me closer to you,
is so blank.

I was sleeping in
what they call life
till I heard the sounds
your voice...
thinking did i miss something?
I always knew you were coming...

Sometimes, the wine bottles
holding a creeper
seem to weep.
Or so I think?


I don't remember when you came
and when you left

but you left a thirst behind
a question so unanswered.

but when you come closer ,
may be the whispers in the wind
will tell us when.

And when the time is right
like the innocence of yonder years
loved, yet untouched,
the pure wisdom,
the un-bride-d version of my yesteryear's
will come alive.

And maybe you'll have my answers.
And when each of my tears
sting you...

Maybe, may be blessed.
Don't hurt yourself too much
that I can't bear.

Don't look behind once
you decide to walk away.

Don't hurt when you see me smiling next

Sometimes

Sometimes there's this deep gorge in me
waiting to break free and flow
Like the summer tempest
blowing straight out of the land.

Sometimes I just want to cry
weep like a baby
because everything seems so calm around
that it scares.

Sometimes,
just sometimes
I want to go back to that one stranger
I see everyday. In dreams, thoughts alike
wondering what it would be ... to be that stranger.

Sometime, yet again,
I will dream of that one night,
I counted futile minutes
before I could run away from facing the bare facts.

But you don't care
or show that you do.

You are happy with unwittingly engraved remarks,
and chance meetings to blame upon.
Sly smiles that we think will make us look strong.
Sometimes, all adults can be so silly.

You say sorry now
... when I really didn't realize you were gone.
Sometimes, how assumptive can we become?

Winter moons are hard to survive
Winter gray is the color of slumber.
Right now, I am not torn
Right now, I care a hoot.
So do you... ah, I know.

But, yet again, sometime -
when the time is near
and you want to confess
I promise i will smile and laugh it off.
Sometimes, the deep gorge really camouflages
all sorrows and heartbreaks, pretty fine.