I ain't missing anything!

There was this interesting mention of a 'real man' in a random conversation that I carried to work for those silly discussions.
So what is a 'real man' really? I don't know!!! 'Cause I haven't seen any in my generation... hopefully that remains appended with a coy little, hopeful 'so far' ... What the heck?! Lemme just say 'so far'... God isn't that unfair...
So...
It is so heartbreaking to even think that a 'real man' is really skin deep... to realize that a 'real man' is just fuckin' focused on fishing. Maybe even 'condescending' for fuck sake. And he presumes to know what you should be doing every moment of your life???!!! Whoa! So the 28 years that you have lived, experienced and learned from are all imaginary projections of your dirty ego... Hey! like I was all wrong? And I am ... will continue to be wrong and unhappy because I chose to do ... or in this case NOT do something I strongly feel against... more importantly something that is almost as inherent as my need to be loved... And that hurts the 'real man'... he suggests I be tender and less intimidating... oh yea... we know. I never abused you. I say 'Sorry' and 'Thank you' a lil more often than an average brain. And I say 'Sorry if that hurt you... I don't know what did ... but I'm still sorry!!!' - That ... ugggh!
I compliment when there is an opportunity. I smile at people to express warmth. I do not lie. I don't judge. (That's the real man's prerogative). I forgive easily. I am willing to listen... and oh oh oh... I LISTEN - I actually do!
I don't overcrowd when someone doesn't want me to... does that make me 'cold' and 'unresponsive'???
Of course I don't care what people think when I smoke or walk straight... or cut any sleazy asshole's small talk efforts.
...There's such a lack of chivalry in the world I see around me. And I'm not being word -deep... By chivalry I mean not just holding doors and leading a lady by the arm (and not the butt... ok exaggeration!). Chivalry, the way I see it, is like 'grace' in a lady. And just like 'grace' does not mean cowardice, resignation or accepting wrong things ; chivalry doesn't reside in that one thing ONLY... It is in knowing what you are allowed to ask for and what not.
I know I don't trust easily... I know I have that problem. It's not a decision. It is what I have been through. And looks like I wasn't all that wrong after all. *smirk,giggle,giggle,smirk*
And with each passing day, things only reinforce this...
And I remembered what another 'real man' told me some 10 months back. And worse still, he is an ace astrologer... he said I will never meet a man if this cold attitude stays... ha ha... and all that because I said we don't need to get on to a web cam for me to get some better tips in astrology. And up until that moment I remember showering him with enough courtesy and respect... What the fuck???!!! That's my fuckin' wish...
Real men are scary... or are they scared?
The problem is when you really start liking someone... for reasons that are general, warm, social and nice. And that surprises you. (Or maybe, you've been starving for some intelligent company apart from your bro, your good friend and colleagues.) Then you think this will just pass off... but you continue to like him. You find him consistently pleasant, funny, warm, sensible, honest... whoa whoa whoa... but somewhere there is this fear, this doubt. And then you realize, you were wrong... all through. Things haven't changed. They never will. They never do.
And that makes me think ... do I really want to be there, facing all that? The answer is NO.
I really am not missing anything. :)

P.S. : And blogging about this (not a great idea, but what the heck!) - just because I am really upset - not with anyone in particular. You can't blame people for what they are or chose to be. I am not going that way, at all. Not my business - no way.
I hate being here and feeling this way. It's just so depressing to see what reality is. My world is so much more peaceful and safe :P
I just needed to get it out of my system. And I think I'm better now or will be soon... I mean ... you know. It's just a passing phase... reaction and stuff.
And a person like me should just be ignored... just looking through me is the best favor you can do to me.
I am sure this post will be taken off 2 days from now... and that's practically because I would rather die than have anyone read this. haha...