When you go away...

When you go away...
Don't explain why you are...
I don't need to know.
What I will take away is what we were, and not this Bye.
Suffer with pain - I will, if I have to.
But never will I share my suffering with you.
All that I ever had is indignity whenever I have shared anything.
My Pain , My Disrespect, My Outrage
Is Mine alone...
You never had a right to it.
Now that you are leaving, you never will.
I treat you like you are intelligent.
I wish to be treated the same.
I don't believe in poetry anymore.
Just like I don't believe real love exists.
Everything seems so fleeting in the wake...
The Wake of my Reality.
This had to happen, I knew. It would have, even if I didn't...
So just Go Away...
Vanish without a trace...
The same way that you came.
If I have to live in such Denial, I will.
The Denial is Mine Alone.

It's these times in life, that bring you back to your reality. These few times that present to you themselves, hugely devoted so you can see what it means to look beyond what your past has taught you as against what you really wanted in life.
It shows you the people you wish you had met ages ago and things turned out differently. But they make you smile, almost out of turn , yet so surprisingly infectious is there stay that you wake up in the morning and reach out to the ones who caused these moments.
But the fear never leaves you really.
Small blocks, sometimes self afflicted and created, always stay and loom over you... Those times that you stand out looking at the nascent greens sprawling in the outer world and the breeze that brings back memories of the month you were born, the month of gleeful wetness, the first smell of damp Earth...
The child within you is raring to be let out and to smile at every stranger that God has put on your way; and most of all that one person who just was non-existent a month ago; and still is distant in the strict sense of worldly distances.
But the wounded bigwig, the know-it-all cause I faced-it-all, holds the reigns... Don't go that way she says... it will never give you what you need. But it has already, the infant cries, and I don't want to lose it... ever. Faint in her voice she draws the infant to her bosom...and that's what you've known so far, but the truth is , you know it is never what it seems and never will be. So as long as you want to be merry, play and giggle, I will be here standing, watching out for you. I am the restraint, the Mind who has felt the pain , of distrust, disrespect, of love-less-ness and loneliness. Yet I have wanted to be forever alone because I have you, You - that I love and so strangely protect.
Because I care - I care to preserve this face of me, and let it be , revel within the boundaries of security made by me. It is true , that you the infant cannot be mean, save be vulnerable all the time. But don't ask me to go away- not yet, because the time has not come...

Kite Runner...

A book that has an incredible , infallible impact on the way you see relationships and judge matters of Loyalty...

There is so much that each page has to give to you and so much that it helps you fathom about true values... that you almost fall in love with the machoistic loyalty, the love and willingness to stand above all low things in life...

Amir - the protagonist, the story of his life is the story of love, hatred, cowardice and eventually courage - a struggle to 'come clean '- not situational/ assisted or spontaneously...

Hassan - the root cause of the hero ... the one gift to Amir that God carefully placed, took away and brought back ... so Amir could learn , repent and Rise to courage...

Courage was one thing Amir always lacked... his father the Grand Hero always knew this ... ' A man who cannot stand up... ' But even he could not have done for his well-born son, what his 'other', most neglected yet grateful and loyal son did... Teach him that when we stand for the ones we love, we are ready to sacrifice the most precious of our lives... we receive the Love that is the purest of all emotions...

The most trying phase in Amir's life would have been when Hasan's son slits his wrists and refuses to believe that he can trust Amir... when Amir prays after ages that the one God he has used only for his selfish pursuits save his only hope to redemption ... when he weeps and realises that the only thing he has ever wanted so bad is his best friend son to be his own ...
That makes Hasan - the maker of the Hero... Much more powerful and glorious... yet so simply happy!

There are so many vivid characters in this work of art... Such massive heart-wrenching moments that you turn soft within, yearning to be out there doing something for someone in pain, loneliness and misery.

I sometimes dream of falling in love with the best of the men this book has to hold...

The articulation, intelligence of Amir.

The Loyalty, Chivalry and Innocence of Hasan.

The courage and stamina of Baba - his broad outlook which rubbishes fanaticism, stands with his head held high -any difficulty that God has to offer. Oh so rugged in approach and built... awe-inspiring. The inherent courage and sense of 'Honour' among the Afghans as a race. The affluence he was born with and the legacy of altruism passed on from his forefathers. They way he expresses his pride - his princess - the learned, celebrated Lady of the House, The Unfortunate mother of Amir and her death which drives him to create yet another chapter in his life - Hasan - the virtuous, courageous yet almost 'hidden dark secret' of his life - a wound that wants to heal yet strangely his only respite! The way they exude a sense of pride - their nang and namos. It is such a pity that such royal aspects of the culture have been interpreted in such a groase manner by fanatics and illiterates, the intolerance to the deeply rooted sense of cultural high... Such a pity!

But most of all ... A thousand times over... to have a friend who can say that and mean it too... to have someone love you so much that he 'sooner eat dirt' than hurt you...

Deep in my heart I still relate to Hasan and his pain of not receiving what he gave... yet happy, to move away when he is no longer wanted and rather be thrown away. The pain you feel for this man's son Sohrab when he is left alone amongst strangers - some saying they will care for him and some saying they don't care. His anger and courageous instincts to defend what his father would have guarded as his most precious : Amir- and the way he does it with the slingshot - a eerie replay of his father's courage.

The years Amir spends with his wife - the understanding between them is so deep and enthralling , that it gives you hope to see beyond your own disappointments. The grace and respect he shows her when he hugs her and looks into her eyes... the long nights he confesses to have experienced when he lies in wait for the moment that he will see her again... You're still the chand of my Yelda... Almost makes you sigh...Vividly romantic...!

Must see as a movie and definitely a MUST READ! - for all those hopeless romantics like me... :-)

Zindagi Migzara... Life goes on!