...Deja vu

Sniff Sniff... Been here before!
Why's this happening too often now...? Call's for some introspection. hmmm...

Each passing day...

Each passing day
that brings me closer to you,
is so blank.

I was sleeping in
what they call life
till I heard the sounds
your voice...
thinking did i miss something?
I always knew you were coming...

Sometimes, the wine bottles
holding a creeper
seem to weep.
Or so I think?


I don't remember when you came
and when you left

but you left a thirst behind
a question so unanswered.

but when you come closer ,
may be the whispers in the wind
will tell us when.

And when the time is right
like the innocence of yonder years
loved, yet untouched,
the pure wisdom,
the un-bride-d version of my yesteryear's
will come alive.

And maybe you'll have my answers.
And when each of my tears
sting you...

Maybe, may be blessed.
Don't hurt yourself too much
that I can't bear.

Don't look behind once
you decide to walk away.

Don't hurt when you see me smiling next

Sometimes

Sometimes there's this deep gorge in me
waiting to break free and flow
Like the summer tempest
blowing straight out of the land.

Sometimes I just want to cry
weep like a baby
because everything seems so calm around
that it scares.

Sometimes,
just sometimes
I want to go back to that one stranger
I see everyday. In dreams, thoughts alike
wondering what it would be ... to be that stranger.

Sometime, yet again,
I will dream of that one night,
I counted futile minutes
before I could run away from facing the bare facts.

But you don't care
or show that you do.

You are happy with unwittingly engraved remarks,
and chance meetings to blame upon.
Sly smiles that we think will make us look strong.
Sometimes, all adults can be so silly.

You say sorry now
... when I really didn't realize you were gone.
Sometimes, how assumptive can we become?

Winter moons are hard to survive
Winter gray is the color of slumber.
Right now, I am not torn
Right now, I care a hoot.
So do you... ah, I know.

But, yet again, sometime -
when the time is near
and you want to confess
I promise i will smile and laugh it off.
Sometimes, the deep gorge really camouflages
all sorrows and heartbreaks, pretty fine.

Random musings to run away from work.

So what is it that I miss being (more)..?
The temptations of scaling peaks or being just brilliantly unbridled... Or those vague memories of dreams that you swore by once and don't remember where you lost them. Like the faint musty smell of monsoon that makes your heart throb and your head headier still. Sometimes you want to carry somethings with you wherever you go and of course they are heavier than your back pack ... much heavier. Probably the song at the coffee shop that can be blamed for that relationship you wanted to grow old with... but was never meant to.
When that familiar wave thrusts against you, something inside you sinks. It pays to lock yourself in your world... it's beautiful... it's strategic - a tool of nature they call Preservation in Progression...
So far and not further... that's all I hear myself say each day and I know there's a long way to go for a long time ahead.
No pretense. Pure redemption ... that's all I seek.

Farewell to 3 - My Goodbye mail (From my old box -III)

Hello People!

Where is the good in a goodbye …?

Nevertheless, in this moment of truth, all I can say is Thank You!

These 3 and ½ years in 3, an advisor to a Team Leader;
The hundreds of stories, some unfinished;
The under current of Passion, always the reason;
The Highs, the Lows;
The New and the Old…
Spectrum, Eureka, Paradigm and Prism…
From CCAA to Psft…
Motorola A830 to Nokia 6288.
Friends & Family to Direct Talker1000…
And so many more to come!

3 is not an Organisation…
3 is not a just a Brand…
3 is not just a Culture…
3 is The Spirit… A Feeling of Constant High!


The journey has been fabulous, wondrous, exalting… (I just realised, I don’t have words enough to express this strange feeling!)

I will miss all my managers (I truly salute and respect you), who’ve tried like true warriors to get me to grow up J and I must say, have done a great job. I will miss all the teams in Post Pay and Billing alike...
…And all the support teams that have been key players in getting us to reach where we are…The great successes that we shared as a team… The team I’d love to call: Team 3.
I take with me the strong sense of belonging and identity… The values that I’ve learnt with 3.
I take with me the fierce sense of humour which saw us through trying times. And I pass it on to all the nascent, budding talents…
I will miss all the smoke zones and the smoke zone talks... Censored, Uncensored!
A special thanks to X-Zoticus… A Culture that was born in Spectrum.
And last but not the least: Thank you, my team: ‘Jungle Book’ … You’ve taught me what ‘Back to Basics’ means!


Thank you friends because that is all that I leave with! And because, it is a small world that we live in, we will meet again.
Please keep in touch and keep the Spirit of 3 HIGH as ever!

From my old box - II

It is a strange place here..
Miles gone..
More to come..
Lost and found .. a few principles undefined..
A wing of desire , relentlessly pondering..
Are u here to stay..
Coz where I am , I can see so much..
Yet not understand..
The fear.. I was wrong .. it’s not dead..
It’s still there, lurking in the dark dungeons of my yesteryears..
Yet so much is around.. that I can look away now..
And not feel the pain ..
Tarry… but a little…
And then keep walking again…
Like miles gone…and more to come

What is it that has stayed
From those years that I have left behind…
Places unreserved have come to fill
All with unknown faces…
The ones I knew , or so I thght…
Were never mine to start with…
Far away.. gone with the tides of fate..
Strewn apart . the tempest of our lives..

Times have changed…
Times are new…
The old has to move over .. and not serene..
And no not so calm… my love is still dead
It only comes alive
For a moment of bliss
Like I hid it from the world’s way ahead…

For the years that have gone by …
And the years that are to come….
I live for just that One tiny Flame…
That burns all through the darkest of all nights…
My heart that beats and flickers with every Joy and Pain alike…
I will live for u … The life I live from within..
Me….

Things change... (From my old box)

Yesterday ,
It was bright and sunny.
There were blue clouds in the sky.
Today,
The clouds are dark
And the wind is cold , here in the garden.

But, I guess,
Seasons change.

Yesterday,
I remember I took the long winding route to the garden close by,
There were daisies and fontains on my way.
Today,
The road is just a minute’s walk
And daisies and pretty fontains are lost.

But, I guess,
Roads change

Yesterday,
I remember I lay down in the garden,
The green grass under my feet ,
The soft , plush winds to caress my hair .
The warmth of the mud rising to my eyes.
Today,
The green grass is no more green,
The winds have travelled away.
The mud has been stolen away to build pyramids to man’s ego.

But, I guess,
Places change.


Another thing I remember ,
Oh, so close to my heart.

Yesterday,
I held your hand
So close to my face and I felt you in me like never before.
You touched my lips like you always wanted them .
You held me in your arms like you would never let me go.
Today,
Alas,
I don’t hold your hand anymore.
You don’t look my way.
I feel you are letting me go.
And wanting me to do the same.


But, I guess,
People change.

F*** knows why it happened... or even HOW???!!!

Sometimes we blame it on stuff like some things that lead to some more, but what we become in the process is what we have been ignoring a long while... Somethings that change a part of you... the way you see yourself...

And you almost start hating yourself and things related... This, my friend, is just the beginning.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same again… Not that these were unheard of. But the seemingly innocent flow gets this stark shade of all things crude.

You never meant to be there.

You never wanted to go through that.

You never thought it was that… But you didn’t do anything to get out of there.

Can you re-trace your steps back to where you were early last morning?

No, I can’t. Wtf?!!

And what was it? Do you want to remember…? Yeah, right… Just vanish… just… do it – vanish!

You want to run away from the ‘now’ … and yeah, f*** you can!

Take this ‘me’ away… I don’t know her… don’t even want to know.

And the mother of all questions… Why me? Why the f*** yesterday? And why did it have to end like that??!!

It should NOT have happened… NOT NOT NOT happened… But it will NEVER change…

And it was my fault more than anyone else’s… Much much more. I knew. I never wanted it but I knew… I always knew.

10^th Jan… will go down as the Most Despised day of my Life so f***ing far… And it will always remain so…